He should have put a stop to that because needless how to help an alcoholic sister to say, we are not close at all. Then when her young coworker didn’t want to sleep with her one night she got drunk and angry and got a second dui on her rage home. He always turned things to say his anger was my fault as marriage went on.. Find an non drinker non drug addict to take care of. Well I happened to see one day a text from one of her “boys” and then I learned she had been sleeping with him. Your e-mails are very insightful & informative & I appreciate them,thank you! All alcoholics, some combined drugs with their drinking. I am under the belief that even an alcoholic in recovery is not worthy of someone that is non alcoholic. For much needed breaks…Im thankful SJC…that u & I are now safe. He left that thursday morning and I heard nothing until late sunday night when one of his drinking buddies contacted me. I knew she occasionally liked to smoke weed and although I was not into these things I allowed myself to get involved with her. I woke one morning to the sound of him shouting about something then he said he was going out. I can’t even describe the blow this had on me. I think your ex would have been extremely angry when you filed and yes, may have felt hatred for you. This is the gift the A gives…. Nellie: Three men have died in our community during the past month. Had I known what I know today that most alcoholics are lairs , live in denial, self seeking, adolescent thinking, unfaithful, have other addictions, have rage, I would have never allowed myself to get close to one. Run from the addict, you are just an object to them. (if someone wants me to find the Bible vests bout an angry man…let me know & i wll look them up & post them.. The synergistic effect of these factors creates an environment in which the body can flush old toxins that have been shown to be involved in triggering cravings. I confronted her about it and she stopped for some while. …I again started to believe my A could change, be the person I so dreamed off when I should have known better. He said “yea, probably so”. Listen and learn from me. We both laughed because he did have a great sense of humor. I have read multiple books and articles. & for those dealing with an A… there is no peace.. I have been in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic. They just cannot fulfill your need to be loved. It's the equivalent of saying "I don't care that you're in recovery, I don't have the problem you have. I have a grasp of the AA model and the “its a choice model”. (SJC.. Why should anyone waste their time and money and how to help an alcoholic sister affections on these miserable individuals? Thank you for letting me share my story. Things haven’t always been real bad but also not great. Save yourself from all of this misery. Alcohol has caused her to lose her Job, her lover, car, her drivers license her home with me. It goes on for days and days at a time. I thought I was doing good, hell I have been but these last two days I feel like I am falling apart. When I question him all he does is flip it on me and verbally abuse me and put me down. The Narconon New Life Detoxification is a precisely controlled program of nutrition including healthy oils, vitamins and minerals, plus exercise and a dry heat sauna. I feel like I lost my boyfriend and best friend all in one day. It really can not be ALL your fault. I was angry at her and took everything she did personally. I will watch Oprah…. K? When I reply, “I didn’t take or touch your stuff”, he then replies, “stop lying, why do you lie to me”? I’m still learning about addiction. Because your husband chose to drink doesn’t mean that he didn’t love you Carollyn. But u were the scapegoat.. How do I learn not to react to this? All were single at the time of their deaths – all had been married to very nice women, who had enough and moved on. Its a learned behavior. I had a strange feeling about her being out so I decided to take a drive. It is an understandable human reaction. Some hit bottom when they run out of money to buy their drug of choice. Hello all, I am new to this. God bless to everyone and know it how to help an alcoholic sister is not all your fault. I had to gain understanding. You have to live in the same house to see it. I could not comprehend how anyone could behave like this. The roller coaster ride. Two days later she was spending the night with her girlfriend in another town about 30 miles away. Maybe, but for good reason. I have tried for years to help my boyfriend and at times I believe he wants to get better, but just can’t do it. Recovery then moves on to the next phase: helping the addict flush out all the residual alcohol and drug toxins that become lodged in the fatty tissues of the body. I get angy & call myself stupid or why did u do that or this & that self criticism…. Here is what I am trying to say in all of this. Everyone has turned their back on him even his own family and I’m still here. That just makes me more angry. You cannot look to an alcoholic for love. I am so exhausted from all this. I react.. Yep she is still drinking and smoking. ) 🙂 If you spend a great deal of time with a recovering alcoholic, it is of utmost importance that you do not drink around them. If they don’t they will make you wish you where dead. If you are a social drinker, do not drink around them. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. I by accident fell in love with a lovely woman who was an addict. Apparently she lived this life long before I met her. Maybe cause i heard it from him so long…I turn it around to positive but i just want this self criticism to go away…I wonder whats wrong with me…this will go away wont it???? I feel very weak and have turned around him doing wrong to blaming myself for it all. I understand the different theories and models used today. Considering how insane it is at times, and the betrayal of Alcohol being the most important thing in their life…it is a challenge to say the least. I know letting go is what I have to do but it’s so hard to let go of someone you love so much and who has been part of your life for years. Very often…but God can give u peace that passeth all understanding if u ask for it…. You are going to have to look at yourself and know that the mean things they are saying about you are not true. They relapse, they are needy, they must have that drink or drug over any other love in their life. This is not normal. Did u know in the Bible what God says about an angry man? She usually text me good night around midnight. She then lost her job sleeping with that young co-worker who is also an alcoholic and of coarse it was my fault she lost her job because I reported her. signs of severe liver damage I actually started when things started getting worse in marriage….. If you drink daily, it is important that you do not drink around a recovering alcoholic. Do you think I’m a mean person? The next day when she arrived at my house I waited a day for her to tell me what happened. Even then I felt awful, felt I had done wrong although I had just woken and had no idea what was happening. She went to 30 days intensive inpatient care for treatment and as soon as she got out she zoomed back to her young co=workers home or her “boy” to have sex with him and he had already found himself a new woman. He won’t admit to the heroin use but I know. I am aware I am doing this and see I need to be strong but it is a constant struggle. She came back as if nothing happened. I did not confront but just left in shock. She never did. Since all this has happened he now not only drinks but started using heroin on occasion. I stayed by his side, his mood swings and him feeling so low himself and boy did that blow up in my face. & what it says is true….. She darted out of my home never too return. But I truly loved this woman. Don’t worry, they rarely hit bottom. I am at the point that I believe only an alcoholic should have a relationship with an alcoholic, they deserve each other. That’s the reality of the how to convince someone to stop smoking situation that you are dealing with. I am still learning about alcoholism to this day. I could not comprehend how a person could live like this and treat me with total disregard. I was angry at all the betrayals and lies and deceit. Me. After i started saying stop drinking & stopped babying him…before that it was this or that circumstance or other people in present or past that abused him…& that caused what he said was a knee jerk reaction when he lashed out at me…(had nothng to do with anything I did)…. Please, I really need help with this. This woman would tell people she “finally found the man she wanted to marry” i. If he couldnt do that & I didnt react then it was still my fault cause I was silent…(I tried eveything to communicate) there was certainly no reasoning with him no matter what I said it was a no-win-no-win situation…so insightful what u said…that we cant see what its doing to us just what its doing to them.. I don’t understand how he can treat me so horrible when I’m so good to him. She found her way into my life and home and for six months I lived the life of being on a weekly roller coaster. …. )…. She drug me to emotional lows I’ve never experienced before. He has become a totally different person in the past two months that I don’t even recognize him when I look at him. To do something (I don’t remember what it was, it was nice not mean or anything)and I said if I do are you going to throw it back in my face later. I lost both of my parents when how to help an alcoholic sister I was a teenager to alcoholism and drug addiction so this is very close to home for me. Alcoholics love one thing and one thing only… getting drunk. But not that night. Feel so so afraid right now and so so small Can anyone give me quick tip on how to handle this? They will either kill themselves or someone else. Some hit rock causes of raised blood pressure bottom on the death of family member or the death of some child riding in the car they slaughtered driving drunk. This is a woman who drinks about 6 to 10 shots of vodka on a night out. That is why I say love yourself first, in a good way of coarse. I believe that an alcoholic has taken a path to self destruction but they can’t go alone so they take others with them. I just could not sit there so I began learning. With two guys from a college bar who spent the night with them. A’s are not dealing with a full deck and can’t do the things they are suppose to do in life, I believe it is because of the drinking and the damage it does to the frontal lobe. We were best friends before we took our relationship to another level. They really are 2 different people. Thanks. She how to help an alcoholic sister is a die hard alcoholic. Are you co-dependent? Sometimes angrily because I can’t take the hurt and painful words no more and other times I will feebly try to respond in a civilised manner. There are plenty of others who will love how to help an alcoholic sister you back. The drug he was on was heroin. One day after counsel she came to me wanting a “fresh start”. It’s been about two years ago this happened to me. These guys where my sons age and 10 years younger than herself. I was amazed. I told myself and friends after the divorce…once I make to the other side of the river, I am going to be a better person from all this. You are absolutely wasting your precious time. Do I sound harsh, cruel, unloving? Because It had a profound impact on my life. I’ve lost two years of my life over this person. She got drunk and angry and taken off again to find her another sucker. She had some younger guy friends that worked under her. I am a very strong person but this was devastating. I did what I do best however, I switched off to what was happening, became numb and tried to cope the best I could. Then shortly after that she went on a business trip. Like i say…anyone can plant roses in their front yard. I am very much into self help etc… I have realized lately that I have hit rock bottom (I’m not an A but I think that hard times can make anybody hit bottom and realize things have to change in their life). I love and am happy with how I think and who I am. He will say things like, why did you take the binoculars, why did you put look in that box and put stuff back in upside down? She got drunk and slept with a married man there. Normal measures like eating well or just taking vitamins do not cause this type of detoxification. I never had any experience with an alcoholic in my life until this arrived. I wish I could give you a straight answer Amy, perhaps others have tips on this. I can’t go through that again either……I also pray for everyones peace…we need it for closure …. I have no substance abuses in my life nor am I an alcoholic. The day she was suspended on her job for sleeping with a coworker she ran to her coworkers house. So I confronted her and told her what I did and saw. It seems you still think of him alot. The past 2 months have been the worst they have ever been. He tries to stop drinking and does good and stays focused for about a week or so and then its back to drinking again and once he starts drinking there is no stopping him. But then it progressed to tying to provoke me…. She agreed. Your sis must have replicated your dads behavior …very sad. I knew she drank more than I was used to. It rocked my world. But one thing is sure to be, that addiction, that thing will always be first over you. It unfortunately just meant that drink came first helpful tips to stop smoking over and above anything else. The one common factor I can see the A brings to non-drinkers life is the realization how do you know you have a tapeworm we are not in control of much of anything…and to explore the concept of God in a serious way. And for me trying to figure out how to respond, and not react. I then asked her to go to counseling after confronting her. I am very familiar with alcoholism and drug addiction. We use to talk about everything and ever since all of this happen we don’t even talk anymore. I hope not. I’ve given thousands to this woman after she lost everything to help get her back on her feet only to learn …. Think about it? I will post the verses if u like…but the Bible says not to even hang out with an angry man…. My friends says that I do it because of being with him in marriage…. I need a boost in self esteeem also….. What I miss about him. A far away distance where when they hit the bottom they can’t reach you for help to buy another fix. Some days what he says will go over my head and not affect me, other times though it cuts deep. I know it is small and petty, but it drives me nuts. You will ruin your own life in hopes of changing them. I am so sorry and do not wish to cause you harm but you deserve better than to come second best never mind all the rest of the grief and hardship that comes with living with an alcoholic. In short I payed his fare home because nobody else would put up with him and then he told me he had cheated. The last accident this summer was a mix of alcohol and drugs. There are so many excellent posts here. He also was nice to everyone else. So Im praying for desernment …. I went to her friends house and they had just arrived back…. The car was totaled and he was unresponsive at the scene of the accident. I read if you best herbal tea for weight loss drink for decades the damage it causes to the brain is not reversible. My friend Jim would often speak of his love for some of the women in his life and how each and every one of them dumped him for his drinking, would speak with the utmost devotion for a couple of them but it never once stopped his drinking and it always came first. As soon as he is feeling just a little better he hits the bottle again. He has been in 2 car accidents since we have been together totaling both cars due to being under the influence. " This can definitely give a bad impression to someone who is in recovery. One was 46, another 52 and the other about the same age. His first drink is as soon relief of sciatic nerve pain in leg as he wakes up in the morning. You can love the old miserable unfaithful, lying, selfish alcoholic from a distance. Why am I still learning about alcoholics and addicts? I was angry how she could live this way while living with me. She always called them her “boys”. (& for those that aren’t…Ill pray for your safety……God bless! You can’t change them period. I did not understand alcoholism then but I have a greater understanding now. He has been in the hospital with pancreatitis a few times already. E. This woman made good money and functioned normally at work but away from work she was a disaster. A friend at the event called to tell me. Forgive yes but don’t let her use u.. Living with an A …I won’t get involved wth an A …or recovered one either…however…he kept it from me…& I pray i see signs how to tell if baby has asthma that I didnt see before i married him in someone else…cause I wasnt aware of red flags…. I am not sure if you hoped filing for divorce would make him wake up, smell the coffee and change his ways to become the man you so want. U evidently still are with her(Im sorry…maybe u should stay clear of her.