I guess…but there was no effective communication…Id try to expalin he misunderstood this or that .. My friend Jim would often speak of his love for some of the women in his life and how each and every one of them dumped him for his drinking, would speak with the utmost devotion for a couple of them but it never once stopped his drinking and it always came first. And I know it’s not because he’s smarter than me. I get angy & call myself stupid or why did u do that or this & that self criticism…. After a while, my boyfriend had fallen into the best cure for psoriasis the “if you can’t beat them, join them” with his alcoholic roommate. He prob took some of mine too…. He’s a really hard worker. At the end of the movie his son comes to visit him and said to him …so, who are you. Did u know in the Bible what God says about an angry man? They unconsciously try to do how to help an alcoholic mother things to those around them in order to what is a normal high blood pressure get a negative reaction out of others. Prob. Was somewhat but he may have exaggerated…he always said things different than they really were…. It went on and on. Little boxes of perscription drugs here & there from his ex gfs or ex wife….. They drank every night, and sometimes my boyfriend would be so mean to me (verbally) that I would just cry my eyes out and threaten to leave on the nights I was staying over. It seems you still think of him alot. Since then, I found Alcoholic’s Friend, purchased the program, and I’ve been really trying to follow the steps. Some days what he says will go over my head and not affect me, other times though it cuts deep. I can’t go through that again either……I also pray for everyones peace…we need it for closure …. He doesn’t go out of his way to act the hero type figure but he certainly does put on a different persona when in company of others. Sometimes I used to ask him if he would treat his mum like he treats me, speak to her like dirt in the hope he might see and understand but it never worked. The person who is active in addiction has a unique choice relative to all other diseases. He’s extremely smart. Alcoholism is unique as a disease in that it not only hides from view – it also lies to its carrier about its presence. We see that alcoholics will abstain from drinking for a time to prove to themselves or others that they are not addicted, only to return later with a vengeance. I will post the verses if u like…but the Bible says not to even hang out with an angry man…. We’re both in school right now studying the same things though not in the same classes, and he’s earning better grades than me!! For much needed breaks…Im thankful SJC…that u & I are now safe. …. But u were the scapegoat.. It just blows my mind. The disease of alcoholism gradually and insidiously strips everything away from a person. Im praying I can move on soon…Im going to try & date again to see if i feel ready again.. I just don’t have the time to go to Al Anon meetings, or I would be there in a heartbeat. The movie Flight with Denzel Washington (good lookin and love the way he carries himself)is about a pilot that lands a malfunctioning plane after heavy drinking. I’ve been pretty good about being nice to him all the time. Appreciate prayers & my prayers are with u all also! )…. So Im praying for desernment …. The new roommate seemed like a great guy on the surface, but there was definitely something that seemed a bit off. They ruined her carreer…I dont know if this was just another poor me excuse or maybe true…. Most alcoholics use anger and anxiety as weapons. Very often…but God can give u peace that passeth all understanding if u ask for it…. Actually I think when they cant overcome it would be classified as an Idol as Bible describes dont you? It unfortunately just meant that drink came first over and above anything else. The alcoholic can go into remission at any time and many do. It all what is the number one cause of high blood pressure started when he moved out of the house he was renting with some friends and his ex, and moved in with this how to help an alcoholic mother guy he worked with. His boss loves him. I hate this. You never deserted your husband at all hun so please please do not put yourself through that. ) 🙂 My boyfriend and I started dating almost 4 years ago, and he’s been an alcoholic for probably the last three. I actually started when things started getting worse in marriage….. & what it says is true….. If my AH could have been honest & persued help to stop …Id still be with him…. I need a boost in self esteeem also….. Had a victum mentality…which is also common evidently in A’S…its been almst a year since he left…. We didn’t want to rush into things like we both did with our exes. I told my bestfriend that is what I could say to my xa and father. Your sis must have replicated your dads behavior …very sad. From what you have posted before I too wondered if within yourself you felt like you could or should have done more. I am not sure if you hoped filing for divorce would make him wake up, smell the coffee and change his ways to become the man you so want. He was abused he claimed as a child yelled at by his dad saying he couldnt do anything right & his mom wanted him to be a girl & dressed him up as one for a long time & also said she didnt like him or his sis.. How many articles, warnings and hospital visits does it take to keep people from drinking themselves into alcoholism. U evidently still are with her(Im sorry…maybe u whats the signs of kidney stones should stay clear of her. We would eventually make up, and go to sleep. Put his head though wall hit how to help an alcoholic mother his fist against wall to try & break it he said…said hed just drive off cliff fix everything…or kill people at work that took advantage of him & that would fix everything he said…. It is like people who have all kinds of articles, recipes, etc. My friends says that I do it because of being with him in marriage…. I had to get him to stop all this behavior…so he didnt carry through with his threats against hs self others I never called 911 cause hed lose job . Its a learned behavior. Because your husband chose to drink doesn’t mean that he food for low blood sugar didn’t love you Carollyn. He never wants to see anyone as a bad person. Alcoholics Anonymous (the only real recovery) He should have put a stop to that because needless to say, we are not close at all. You gave your ex plenty of chances and you should never ever have to endure any sort of abuse. ” And, when he bold face lies to me about his drinking, I bite how to help an alcoholic mother my tongue. Maybe cause i heard it from him so long…I turn it around to positive but i just want this self criticism to go away…I wonder whats wrong with me…this will go away wont it???? A’s are not dealing with a full deck and can’t do the things they are suppose to do in life, I believe it is because of the drinking and the damage it does to the frontal lobe. I so understand when you speak of wanting to puke. I think your ex would have been extremely angry when you filed and yes, may have felt hatred for you. This is not the case at all Carollyn. However one time he beat hisself up so hard in head he thought he had concussion next day…. (if someone wants me to find the Bible vests bout an angry man…let me know & i wll look them up & post them.. Mine tried so hard & if I didnt respond hed call me a kid with box of crayons walkng away…not sharing in conversation. Because they want to argue? (sometimes almost until it bleeds, but hey) I’m just having such a hard time not looking, and finding his stash, or constantly worrying what else he’s lying to me about. I always smile and say “I what to do when you get high blood pressure love you. (& for those that aren’t…Ill pray for your safety……God bless! After i started saying stop drinking & stopped babying him…before that it was this or that circumstance or other people in present or past that abused him…& that caused what he said was a knee jerk reaction when he lashed out at me…(had nothng to do with anything I did)…. He was an extreme alcoholic. Guess Ill never know…I pray for him to overcome & find God he claimed he cared about…. It is an understandable human reaction. It blood pressure and kidney problems is especially upsetting when a relative drinks, uses drugs or is obese and will not make life changes to live longer and better. I will watch Oprah…. Somehow, my boyfriend just kept sticking up for him, enabling him, making excuses for him, etc. Once the “other” how to help an alcoholic mother person is acting like a loon, then the alcoholic can point their finger at the other person’s behaviors instead of looking at their own. I desired that from my ex…. Seeing how nice your other half would act with others, have others tell you just how decent a person they are made and still makes my insides churn. He would spend his money going on dates will all these girls that he met online, and would have to borrow money from my boyfriend to cover all of his bills. But nothing worked except coddling him for his I wish I could give you a straight answer Amy, perhaps others have tips on this. All the times he lied bout stopping but hid his alcohol in garage & pot in closet…. Forgive yes but don’t let her use u.. We must learn how to not let them get to us. My boyfriend and I dated and lived separately for two years before we decided to move in together. K? We have been asked countless times whether alcoholism is truly a disease or a choice. But his actions how to help an alcoholic mother said the opposite…he either was to weak to overcome his demons or didnt want to….. If he couldnt do that & I didnt react then it was still my fault cause I was silent…(I tried eveything to communicate) there was certainly no reasoning with him no matter what I said it was a no-win-no-win situation…so insightful what u said…that we cant see what its doing to us just what its doing to them.. The sad part of all this is that we are left being angry, then they go get how to help an alcoholic mother plastered. But then it progressed to tying to provoke me…. I read if you drink for decades the damage it causes to the brain is not reversible. Thanks Elaine for your honesty…honesty should always be commended….. You wanted him to get help, you let him know the drinking was upsetting , you said you would postpone the divorce but none of this made a difference to him. Your e-mails are very insightful & informative & I appreciate them,thank you! I am so sorry and do not wish to cause you harm but you deserve better than to come second best never mind all the rest of the grief and hardship that comes with living with an alcoholic. (SJC.. For dieting but they don’t lose weight! Gods blessings & protection! He always turned things to say his anger was my fault as marriage went on.. How many times have our ahs provoked us to the limit….. It’s because my mind is split in a thousand different directions thinking about him, about school, about my work, about keeping up with the house, about my car, and on, and on. I react.. In truth it is both. & for those dealing with an A… there is no peace.. Maybe they dont like theirselves either…mine tried to suffocate his self with pillow …. But, I should’ve seen it long before we actually moved in together. Living with an A …I won’t get involved wth an A …or recovered one either…however…he kept it from me…& I pray i see signs that I didnt see before i married him in someone else…cause I wasnt aware of red flags…. Seems they put addiction(S) above God family & even their own mental physical emotional health…. Sometimes angrily because I can’t take the hurt and painful words no more and other times I will feebly try to respond in a civilised manner. Smetimes now I wish I would have…….